It’s never easy to lớn read a closure text or letter from your ex, especially if you have it in your mind to lớn get them back.
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So today I’d lượt thích to lớn talk about exactly what an ex means when they send you a closure text or letter and how you should handle it.
And if you stick around and read this article in its entirety I’m going to lớn take a real life example of a closure text and dissect it before your very eyes.
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What Does A Closure Text Or Letter Actually Mean?
I’m taking inspiration from a specific post on my private Facebook group to lớn explain this point.
This group is undoubtedly one of my most proud achievements because it brings together all the men and women who have purchased my program and are going through breakups.
Seeing all these strangers come together to lớn virtually help and tư vấn each other on their ex recovery journey is awesome because it helps bầm understand breakups sánh much better through the eyes of thousands of real people.
So I recently came across a post from a male thành viên where his ex-girlfriend sent him essentially a closure text.
I took his permission to lớn share that text message:
Now that has to lớn hurt, right?
It was painful for bầm to lớn even read that message because I’d never want to lớn receive it sánh it’s probably way worse for anyone who gets such a message from their ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend.
So the big question:
Does an ex mean it when they send a closure text?
Yes, they mean it… at that moment.
That “at that moment” caveat is very important because such closure text messages are often sent when emotions are running high.
Your ex probably means it when they send this text message but it’s because they’re emotional. Those emotions can (and often do) change as time goes on and circumstances change.
How vì thế I know this?
Well for the past few months I’ve been interviewing success stories of people who went through our program and got their exes back to lớn understand what really WORKS.
What is the secret ingredient that sets these success stories apart from everyone else?
Now before I share that, I want to lớn point out that even success stories have seen emotional closure messages from their exes.
And well, they’re success stories sánh those messages were clearly not as “Final” as it would have seemed.
In other words, if circumstances change your ex’s mind can change as well sánh the finality of a closure message is a very loose “yes”.
Ask any success story who’s heard the classic “I don’t love you anymore. We’re never getting back together again” lines from their ex.
Usually, it takes about 3-5 months to lớn see an ex change their mind after sending a closure text.
What Women Actually Thought Of This Closure Text
Now let’s see what our Facebook group thought of the closure message this guy shared because let bầm tell you, this post was the subject of a lot of controversy.
People had different opinions on what the text meant and why it was sent, and I decided to lớn analyze all those opinions and group them into the following four broad categories or outcomes:
- She is still hung up on him
- She’s not hung up on him/She’s over him
- Unsure/no opinion yet
- He is in this predicament due to lớn his failure to lớn abide by our program
These are all certainly plausible explanations and responses sánh I thought it best to lớn read through all of them and chart them according to lớn these categories. After all, even if someone’s opinion is different kêu ca mine, I can still learn something about the human psyche from them.
Before I get into the distribution of where people stood (Spoiler alert: most of them agreed with me), let’s see some examples of people who fell into these four categories:
His Ex Is Still Hung Up On Him
- “Nope girls don’t send long emotional breakup texts with compliments when they’re done with someone. Girls love to lớn be chased”
- “What she’s written about moving on and no future with her is FAKE. This is too recent.”
- “I think she’s still emotional and she needs space. She sounds lượt thích she is still sorting out her feelings but every time you gnat her your chances are getting slimmer.
- “There is still hope for you. Just give her space and work on you. Some success stories have had ugly breakups and they still got back together with the ex.”
- “There’s some positive in there. Sounds lượt thích you share a kid sánh maybe it’s not 100% done.”
- “When I broke up with two of my ex-boyfriends, I would send this stuff THINKING I was done but I always went back LOL. It took sometimes four to lớn five months, but I went back. It’s not hopeless I’d say.”
She is over him and truly wants closure
- “One thing is honesty and one thing is brutal honesty. I guess she’s being brutally honest. People vì thế this when they are done move on”
No Solid Stance
- “I think you need to lớn vì thế a 45 day no liên hệ. Do not break it – work on your life and revisit this later”
He Got Himself Into This Mess
- “I read some of your backstory. PLEASE stop breaking no liên hệ. It sounds lượt thích you’ve done it several times and your breakup wasn’t that long ago. Your last text exchange was great you stayed in emotional control and didn’t give anything away not sure what the premise of this exchange was, but she is distancing herself more and more.
For now, she has made up her mind. Let her live with her decision for a while.”
Same text, sánh many different opinions!
The Ultimate Results Of Polling My Female Audience
All of them equally valid from the commenter’s perspective sánh let’s see how many people agreed with each point of view:
- 55% of people thought his ex-girlfriend was still hung up on him.
- 26% did not take a stance.
- 13% thought she was truly over him and just wanted to lớn move on.
- 6% said he was in this situation because of his own circumstances and decisions.
These results basically affirm my personal opinion:
She sent the closure text as an emotional response and if circumstances change later, she might potentially change her mind.
Since the overwhelming majority (55%) thought she was still hung up on him and another 26% weren’t exactly convinced otherwise, I’d say that’s a pretty common assumption.
Most of our success stories also say the same thing because they have personally seen a closure text be taken back because circumstances have changed, which begs the question:
How vì thế you change the circumstances to lớn make your ex backtrack their closure message?
This is one of those things that I could talk about forever but I’m not trying to lớn write another book here! So for the sake of keeping this article short and simple, I’ve narrowed down the top overall tactics that we found to lớn work in such scenarios.
Now I’m not going to lớn go into too much detail about each one but I recommend scrolling through my trang web or checking out my youtube channel to lớn see my deep dives into each of these tactics.
Here are the four concepts that cause people to lớn rethink their closure texts:
Closure Letter or Text Concept #1: Time
This one essentially boils down to lớn giving your ex enough time to lớn sort through their emotions and feelings and truly see where they stand.
You see, immediately after a breakup your ex is more likely to lớn fixate on the negativity around the breakup but as time goes on they’ll start to lớn reminisce about the good times.
This will lead to lớn a more balanced view of the breakup and of you.
Closure Letter or Text Concept #2: The Fear of Missing Out
This is essentially their fear of no longer having you as an option.
Your ex will start to lớn dread the idea of you moving on to lớn someone else.
Closure Letter or Text Concept #3: Seeing You Level Up Your Life
This is where you twist something negative lượt thích your breakup into something positive by working on all the areas of your life that you need to lớn improve!
Your ex will be intrigued because they’ll be able to lớn see you from afar and notice how you’ve changed for the better.
Closure Letter or Text Concept #4: Seeing You Truly Move On
Finally, arguably the most effective but hardest to lớn achieve is you actually moving on.
Nothing will get your ex interested in you again lượt thích seeing that you truly don’t care about getting them back anymore. Now a long time ago I talked about this concept called moving on without moving on. It basically meant acting lượt thích you were over your ex sánh eventually, you’d feel that way too, but the truth is I don’t think that works anymore.
I vì thế think moving on is important, but I think what’s more important is mimicking a secure attachment style.
You see when you “move on without moving on”, you’re still stuck and holding onto something that might not come back.
So the real trick is to lớn mimic a secure attachment style:
A secure attachment style is basically knowing that you can handle anything and have the fortitude to lớn move on and be okay.
If you have a secure attachment style, you’ll understand and accept that it can hurt to lớn go through a breakup.
You’ll understand the fact that you might not get your ex back, but you will still be okay.
So instead of putting all the focus on your ex, you put it on yourself and having that secure attachment mindset.
That kind of mindset is truly attractive to lớn an ex.
The Wise Man’s Philosophy Of Making Decisions To Avoid Closure Text Messages
One final thing I want to lớn address is those people who blamed the person whose text message I featured for putting himself in these circumstances.
Essentially they said that his failure to lớn fulfill the no liên hệ rule lead to lớn this closure text message.
Speaking directly to lớn him and others lượt thích him I want to lớn share something I recently read about that I lượt thích to lớn Call the “wise man’s philosophy”.
This philosophy basically talks about two things:
- Making careful and deliberate decisions
- Sticking to lớn your decisions no matter what
Now I know there’s this whole debate about fate vs. miễn phí will and I don’t want to lớn get into that but I’m a pretty big believer that there is some element of choice in our lives.
So when we enter into a conflict or decision, we have a choice in how we engage it. We can either make rash emotional decisions that we later flake on, or we can take a step back and think through our options. The wise man’s philosophy would have you carefully consider the pros and cons of each choice in front of you. Once you truly weigh all your choices and decide on what’s best for your current circumstances you COMMIT to lớn your final decision.
You need to lớn let the chips fall where they may after you’ve made a choice because you know that you made the right choice with the resources available to lớn you at that time. You can’t possibly predict the future sánh why try? The best you can vì thế is make a faithful effort to lớn choose what is best for you at a specific point in time and then stick to lớn it and believe in your choices.
Once you start making these deliberate decisions and fully committing to lớn them you’ll see how much more confident you become in your life choices. You will even be less flaky because you won’t be halfheartedly committing to lớn things lượt thích a no liên hệ rule and then prematurely breaking it.
After all, the main reason for backtracking decisions lượt thích the no liên hệ rule is not thinking enough before a decision and overthinking after it. If you let your mind concoct every possible negative outcome, of course, you’ll scare yourself into breaking the no liên hệ rule. A better approach is to lớn carefully consider all these effects before you fully implement the no liên hệ rule.
That way, you can just live in the moment and be at peace with whatever you choose because you know it was the best choice you could have made.
Closure Letters – Conclusion:
If your ex sent you a closure text message or letter they probably mean it at the moment but that doesn’t mean they can’t be persuaded otherwise.
These four things can help you get your ex back even after they’ve sent such messages:
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- Time will eventually help them work through their initial emotions
- Fear of missing out on having you in their life
- Seeing you improve your life and become a better person
- Seeing you truly move on by mimicking a secure attachment style